Going through life we travel many different paths. For me this is especially true. When I was in 4th grade I wanted to be an archeologist. A favorite teacher brought me hieroglyphics stamps to play with and I loved creating messages or decoding the messages in the little book that came along with them. For a long time I really thought that was what I would do. Sure there were other ideas in between, a teacher, a night club jazz singer, a writer. But archeologist stuck around. I even declared history as my major once I went to college. But somewhere along the line that changed. I think it was because I had no desire to take any more American History that was required of me. Funny how one class can change a mindset. So I switched gears. I was going to be a lawyer. I changed my major to Legal Studies, since I thought that would help me fast track into law school. In a way it did and in a way it didnt. I enjoyed learning about the law, excelled at Constitutional studies, but still something was missing.
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
So I added on an additional major. This extended my college stay by another year, but I was in love with what I was learning. International Relations was such a fascinating field to me. I had visions of being an international lawyer, then one day a Supreme Court Justice. Or an ambassador. Or the next great democracy theorist. But still my path included law school. That road was bumpy indeed.
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
Getting into law school was challenging. Not that I didnt expect it to be. But the LSAT was the bane of my existence. I even took a prep course and it was just enough to help me get over the logic games, barely. I eventually did get into law school, not a great one but that was okay! My plan was to do well in my first year and then transfer. I had been working as a bartender, another path I enjoyed throughly and had I not gotten into law school, I honestly cant say for sure if I would still be doing that. I can say probably not, because I was stuck in the mindset that I went to college I must do something with my degree other than hang it on the wall. So I packed my bags, got some new all weather tires on my old car and went to Michigan.
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
Law school was a lot like college, only there were no tests or papers just one exam at the end of the semester that determined everything. I still had dreams of international relations, but I began to realize that law school was not meant for me. Why – to this day I am not sure. But I just did not see myself being a lawyer. And I certainly wasnt gonna spend 3 years and countless dollars to not be a lawyer. I decided grad school was a better option. So I returned home. I went back to waitressing and bartending. Even considered going into restaurant Management. I had done some of it before. It wasnt where my heart was but by now I felt like I had to do something other than chase classes. Instead I got into a paid internship program with the Cato Institute. It was a good reminder that no matter what I didnt have to give in just to get by. Working at Cato was intellectually stimulating. The people I was surrounded with were an amazing mix of people that I enjoyed being around. After Cato I was lucky to not return to waitressing and instead went to work at the National Democratic Institute. The job was initially part-time and I was a receptionist/go-to girl. In other words I answered phones and did the stuff no one else wanted to do (like sort old folders from 10-20 years ago). But the pay was good and it was my dream organization. Democracy, international – now if only I could get past answering phones and filing folders. While I was working at Cato and NDI, I was applying and reapplying to graduate programs. I took a graduate certificate course in conflict resolution in hopes it would bolster my qualifications. Eventually it did and I got accepted into a grad program near home town but out of the Washington DC area.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference
Meanwhile my twin sister had a baby and while my intellectual needs were being met, my heart was still restless. I watched my sister and my new nephew and I can only describe the feeling I had as jealousy. I told her outright, the night I stayed with her at the hospital that I wanted this for me too. She said it would come. At the time I felt it was something too far away. That summer I went and stayed with her to help with the baby, her home and basically I needed a summer to reflect. Grad School was going fine. I was doing well in my classes and most of the time I enjoyed them. But I struggled sometimes. To find the motivation to do the work, to write the papers, to go to class. One of my outlets was playing an online game with my sister. A time sink yes, but with her being 600 miles away when I started it was a nice way for us to spend time together. I continued to play in the summer, we were just able to really communicate and play together. One morning I decided to call in sick to work (another restaurant, just for the summer). Feeling lazy I signed onto the game and went to just fight things. Its what I enjoyed most in the game. And that is where I met my husband. He asked me to marry him that day too. Not that I said yes, but it definitely sparked our conversation and we could say it was love at first byte. Six months later I was flying to Italy. Three months after that he came home with me to America. We married a month later and 6 months after we were married we welcomed our beautiful girl into our family. Seven months after her birth we moved to Italy.
The purpose of this long but short little history is that like the poem, our paths diverge and often we have many choices. Whenever choosing one path we leave behind what could have been but we cannot mourn its loss. For the path we do choose has wonderful things in store. Sometimes they can be sad. Hopefully much of it is happy. But no matter what the path we choose makes the difference.
How has your life changed, your paths diverged? Has life taken you on an unexpected direction?
[...] is so many things I still want to accomplish. I changed paths to make this happen. But I did not change my mindsets. I still have my old habits, And even though [...]